It started on a dating app, or maybe in the comments under a post about gardening. Three months on, his good-morning message is the first thing you read every day. He's an engineer finishing a contract overseas, widowed, funny, and attentive in a way nobody has been for a while. Video calls never quite work from where he is. Then one evening there's a problem: his equipment is stuck in customs, his account is frozen until the job ends, and could you cover $400, just until Friday?
If that sounds like you, or like the way your mother talks about her new friend, stop here before any money moves.
Someone is very likely a romance scammer if they declare strong feelings fast, push you off the dating app onto WhatsApp or Telegram, always have a reason they can't meet or video chat, and then hit a crisis that only your money can fix. Never send money, gift cards or crypto to someone you haven't met in person.
How can you tell if someone online is a romance scammer?
Almost every romance scam runs on the same four-part engine. First comes fast intimacy: daily messages, pet names within a week, talk of a future together. Then isolation, as the chat moves off the platform where you met and you're encouraged to keep things private. Then the barrier, a job or situation that explains why you can't meet or see each other on live video. Last comes the ask, small and urgent at first, and always framed as temporary.
Any one of those can happen in a real long-distance relationship. All four together, ending in a request for money from someone you've never met, is the pattern.
The FBI's 2025 IC3 Internet Crime Report counted $929,287,469 in confidence and romance fraud losses, up from $672 million in 2024. The FTC, which collects reports separately, logged 64,003 romance scam reports and $1.14 billion in losses for 2023, with a median loss of $2,000. Most fraud is never reported to anyone, so the real totals are higher.
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| Week of | Victims aged 60 and over | Under 60 or age not given | Total |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2,023 | 356 | 295 | 652 |
| 2,024 | 389 | 282 | 672 |
| 2,025 | 584 | 345 | 929 |
Source: FBI IC3, 2025 Internet Crime Report (2026). "Under 60 or age not given" is the category total minus losses reported by people 60 and over.
The signs of a romance scammer in the first weeks
Start with the profile. Scam profiles lean on photos that look a little too good: studio lighting, uniforms, yachts. Australia's Scamwatch points to overly professional photos, little personal information, few connections and few likes or comments. The bio is vague about where the person lives and works, but specific about values: honest, loyal, looking for something serious.
Don't assume dating apps are the only door. In the FTC's 2022 data, 40% of people who lost money to a romance scam said it began on social media, against 19% who named a dating site or app. A friend request from a stranger who "saw your smile" is the same opening move.
- They say "I love you" or talk about marriage within days or weeks.
- They want to leave the dating app for WhatsApp, Telegram, Google Chat or text almost at once.
- Their job keeps them abroad, at sea or on a base, with no end date that holds.
- They answer personal questions with feelings instead of facts, and dodge specifics about streets, colleagues or local places.
- The writing changes: spelling, tone or even the name they call you shifts from day to day.
- They ask you to keep the relationship secret, or say your family wouldn't understand.
Take the move off the platform most seriously. Apps and social networks remove reported fake profiles; a private messenger doesn't. INTERPOL's 2026 deepfake-scam campaign says victims are steered away from dating platforms to avoid monitoring and reporting systems. Shifts in writing style have a simple explanation too: many of these operations are run by organized groups, so the person typing in the morning may not be the one typing at night.
Military, oil rig, doctor abroad: the personas scammers use
Each character comes with a built-in excuse for distance, missed video calls and money trouble, while sounding respectable. A deployed soldier can't talk freely. An oil rig engineer is offshore for months. A doctor with an aid group is busy saving lives. The FTC says scammers tailor the identity to what the target shares, which is why widows so often meet widowers.
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| Item | Value (%) |
|---|---|
| Someone close to me is sick, hurt or in jail | 24 |
| I can teach you how to invest | 18 |
| I'm in the military far away | 18 |
| I need help with an important delivery | 18 |
| We've never met, but let's talk about marriage | 12 |
| I've come into some money or gold | 7 |
| I'm on an oil rig or ship | 6 |
| You can trust me with your private pictures | 3 |
Source: Federal Trade Commission, Data Spotlight: Romance scammers' favorite lies exposed (2023).
The military story is old enough that the US Army's Criminal Investigation Division has warned about it for years. In a 2014 release, CID said impostors posing as soldiers ask for money for special laptop computers, international telephones, military leave papers and transportation fees, often sent to a third party. CID called the claims about Army rules ridiculous and told the public never to send money.
| What they say | What's actually true |
|---|---|
| "Pay for my leave papers so I can come home to you." | Army CID lists leave papers among the classic fake fees. No one buys a soldier's leave from a stranger online. |
| "The base has no phone and my bank card doesn't work out here." | CID points to the many support programs real soldiers have. They don't need an online match to fund calls or banking. |
| "My salary is held until the rig contract ends." | Offshore employers pay their own crews. A worker short of cash asks the employer or a bank. |
| "My shipment is stuck at customs and I need you to pay the duty." | Duty is the importer's bill. INTERPOL found scammers charging romance victims fake courier and customs fees in 2025. |
Newer personas follow the same logic: a crypto trader with a secret, a celebrity who picked you out of their fans. If a story explains why you can't meet and why money must flow from you to them, it's doing a job.
Why won't they video call? Excuses and deepfake calls
You'll hear that the camera is broken, video is banned on a secure base, or the rig's internet only handles text. Some agree to a call and appear for ten seconds in a dark room before they "lose signal."
Those short calls are where AI has moved in. In a December 2024 public service announcement, the FBI warned that criminals use generative AI to create realistic profile photos and to produce video for live chats meant to "prove" an online contact is real. Its 2025 report counted more than $19 million in confidence and romance losses with a likely AI link.
Deepfakes struggle with the unexpected. On a call, ask for something spontaneous and physical: turn your head fully to the side, wave a hand slowly in front of your face, hold up a spoon. The FBI suggests watching for distorted hands, unnatural movement, lag and shadows that don't fall right. Keep it light, like a joke between you; a real person laughs and does it.
Even a clean call proves less than it feels like. It shows a person is there, not that they're the person in the photos or that the stories are true.
How to check their photos and story yourself
You don't need to accuse anyone to find out the truth. Most checks take ten minutes, and the other person never knows.
- Reverse search every photo. Screenshot the profile pictures and run them through Google Lens (the Lens icon in the Google app), Bing Visual Search or TinEye. Crop tightly around the face and try several photos.
- Compare the names. If the face appears under another name, on a real person's Instagram or LinkedIn, the profile is fake. That person is a victim too, so don't message them in anger.
- Search the story. The FTC suggests searching the person's job plus the word "scammer," such as "oil rig engineer scammer."
- Search their exact words. Put a long, flowery line from a message in quotation marks and search it. Scripts get reused.
- Check the employer yourself. Find the organization's main number on its official website and ask whether the person works there.
You can also paste a suspicious message into our scam message checker or look up an unfamiliar number with our phone lookup.
What about lists of romance scammer photos? They exist on forums, but they can't be relied on. The faces belong to real people whose pictures were stolen, so they say nothing about who is typing, and new photos are stolen every day. An AI-generated face won't match anything at all, because it never existed. Search the photo you were actually sent, and treat a face with no online history as one more question mark.
The money requests: what romance scammers ask for and why
The first request rarely sounds like a scam. It's a small, specific amount with a reason: a customs fee on a parcel, a hospital bill, a plane ticket to finally visit, a fee to release a "locked" inheritance. Pay it, and a new problem appears.
Gift cards suit scammers well. You can buy them at any supermarket, the code can be read over a message, and the balance can be spent or resold before you've left the store. In the FTC's 2022 romance data, gift cards were the payment method reported most often, in 24% of reports, with a median loss of $700. The big money went elsewhere: cryptocurrency made up 34% of dollars lost and bank wires 27%, with median losses of $10,079 and $10,000.
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| Part | Count | Share |
|---|---|---|
| Gift cards | 24 | 24% |
| Cryptocurrency | 19 | 19% |
| Payment apps | 15 | 15% |
| Bank wires | 14 | 14% |
| Other methods | 28 | 28% |
Source: Federal Trade Commission, Data Spotlight: Romance scammers' favorite lies exposed (2023). The FTC shows other methods as 27%; rounded here so the bar totals 100%.
Some requests aren't for your money at all. You may be asked to receive and forward a package, pass a transfer through your account, or open an account in your name. That makes you the scammer's money mule; the FBI's definition of confidence fraud includes victims tricked into laundering money for the criminal. When the forwarding is dressed up as a job, our guide to job and task scams covers it.
If you're told to feed cash into a Bitcoin ATM, or your match starts showing you trading profits and offering to teach you to invest, the scam has changed shape. "I can teach you how to invest" appeared in 18% of the FTC's detailed 2022 reports, and the FBI recorded $394.8 million in 2025 romance losses involving crypto. That version runs through fake trading platforms, and our pig butchering guide picks up from there.
Sextortion: when private photos are used against you
Sometimes the relationship is a fast track to intimate pictures or an explicit video call. Then the tone flips: pay, or the images go to your family and employer. The FTC found sextortion reports grew more than eightfold between 2019 and 2022, with people aged 18 to 29 over six times as likely to report it as those 30 and over. The FBI received more than 75,000 sextortion submissions in 2025.
- Don't pay. Paying shows you can be pushed, and demands usually continue.
- Stop replying, but screenshot the profile, usernames, threats and payment details first.
- Report the account to the app where it happened, then block it.
- Adults can use StopNCII.org, which fingerprints the images on your own device so partner platforms can block uploads; the images never leave your phone.
- Report it to the FBI at ic3.gov in the US, or to your local police.
StopNCII covers people who were 18 or older in the images. For anyone younger, its FAQ points to a separate service, Take It Down.
What happens when you confront a romance scammer?
Once you've found the stolen photos, it's tempting to send the evidence and demand answers. Expect hurt feelings first: after everything they've shared, how could you doubt them? Some turn angry, a warning sign Scamwatch lists by name. Others produce "proof," a passport scan, a military ID or a bank statement, all cheap to fake. A few bring in a supporting cast: a lawyer, a diplomat or a customs officer who confirms the story by email.
You won't get a confession, and you don't need one. Send one short message saying you won't be sending money, or nothing at all. Before you block, screenshot or export the whole chat, including profile links and payment details, for your reports. Then block them everywhere. Expect a comeback under a new profile, or from an "investigator" offering to recover your money for a fee.
You don't need to win the argument. You only need to stop paying.
How to help a parent or friend who is in a romance scam
The hardest part is that they often defend the scammer. That isn't foolishness. They've spent months in a relationship that met real needs, they may have sent money they can't bear to call lost, and they've usually been coached to expect your doubts; both Scamwatch and the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre warn that scammers push secrecy and distance from family. Older adults are hit hardest: the FBI logged 10,188 confidence and romance complaints from people 60 and over in 2025.
- Listen first. Ask how they met and what they talk about. You need the details, and they need to feel heard.
- Ask, don't tell. "Have you two ever had a live video call?" "Why does the leave fee have to come from you?" Questions let them see the gaps themselves.
- Look at the photos together. Suggest a reverse image search as a way to learn more about the person. A real soldier's page with the same photos does more than any argument.
- Bring in their bank. With their agreement, call the bank's fraud team together. An outside voice often lands where family can't.
- Use free help lines. In the US, the Justice Department's National Elder Fraud Hotline (833-372-8311, weekdays 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Eastern) assigns a case manager to victims 60 and older. The AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline (877-908-3360, weekdays 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern) runs support groups for people affected by fraud.
- Escalate if needed. If memory problems may be involved, contact local Adult Protective Services and ask an elder law attorney about options such as power of attorney.
Mocking, ultimatums or secretly taking over their phone tend to push them closer to the one person who never criticizes them. Stay close, and make it easy for them to come back to you when the next crisis arrives.
How to report a romance scammer
Report in two places: the platform where you met, and the national fraud agency where you live. On the app, use the report option on the profile and choose fake account, scam or impersonation, even if the chat moved elsewhere.
| Where you live | Where to report |
|---|---|
| United States | ReportFraud.ftc.gov (FTC) and ic3.gov (FBI). They're separate databases, so use both. |
| England, Wales and Northern Ireland | Report Fraud, which replaced Action Fraud on 4 December 2025: reportfraud.police.uk or 0300 123 2040. |
| Scotland | Police Scotland on 101. |
| Canada | Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre at reportcyberandfraud.canada.ca or 1-888-495-8501, plus local police if you lost money. |
| Australia | scamwatch.gov.au/report-a-scam; IDCARE (1800 595 160) helps if you shared identity documents. |
Include the profile name and link, every phone number and messenger handle, dates, how much you sent and how, and any bank, wallet or gift card details. Screenshots beat descriptions. Our report a scam page lists agencies for more countries.
Can you get money back from a romance scam?
Sometimes, and the payment method decides most of it. Card payments can sometimes be disputed; bank transfers, payment apps, gift cards and crypto are far harder to reverse, so call your bank or the gift card company the moment you realize, and keep receipts and the physical cards. Our recovery planner gives steps for each method, and our guide to getting money back after Zelle, Cash App or a bank transfer covers bank claims.
Then brace for the second wave. Victims are often approached by "recovery" firms or fake officials who promise to trace the money for an upfront fee, which is another scam; the pig butchering guide explains how to spot one. And if you're struggling emotionally, that's normal: a counselor, a support group or your doctor is a sensible next call.
Frequently asked questions
Why do romance scammers ask for pictures?
Pictures do two jobs for them. Everyday photos of you, your home or your car tell them about your age, income and who lives with you, which helps them tailor the story. Intimate photos give them leverage: the FTC lists "you can trust me with your private pictures" among the lies it finds in romance scam reports, and those images can later be used for blackmail. A real partner will wait until you have met.
Why do romance scammers use WhatsApp, Telegram or Google Chat?
Dating apps and social networks scan messages, watch for reported accounts and ban fake profiles. Once the chat moves to a private messenger, the platform can't see it, and if the original profile is deleted you lose the easiest way to report it. In the FTC's 2022 review of detailed romance scam reports, about 40% mentioned WhatsApp, Google Chat or Telegram. A match who insists on leaving the app in the first days is a warning sign.
Will a romance scammer call you on the phone?
Some never do, and blame a bad line or a secure base. Others will call, especially once you start asking questions, because a voice builds trust fast. The voice may not match the profile: an accent from a different region, a different age, or a person who can't answer questions about the town they claim to live in. A phone call proves there is a person on the other end, not that the person is who they say.
Do romance scammers ever meet in person?
Almost never. Meeting would expose the stolen photos, so the trip always falls through at the last minute: a cancelled flight, a hospital stay, an arrest, a visa problem. Each cancellation often comes with a fee for you to pay. If someone has promised to visit several times and each attempt needed your money, treat the visit as part of the script rather than a plan.
Can a romance scammer fall in love with their victim?
It's very unlikely, and it shouldn't change what you do. Many of these operations are run by organized groups that share scripts and accounts, so the person typing to you may change from shift to shift. Even if one scammer feels something, the relationship was built on a stolen face and a false life story, and the requests for money don't stop. Judge the person by what they ask for, not by how the messages make you feel.
Where do romance scammers operate from?
Anywhere with an internet connection. Army CID has said scammers posing as US soldiers are often based in other countries, including West African nations. In 2025 INTERPOL's Operation Contender 3.0 led to 260 arrests across 14 African countries, while INTERPOL's 2026 deepfake campaign stresses that anyone can fall victim, regardless of age or region. Organized groups run these schemes from many places, so the useful question is never where the person is from but whether they are real.
Do romance scammers send gifts?
Sometimes, and the gift is usually part of the setup. Flowers or a small parcel make the relationship feel real and earn trust before the first request. More often the "gift" never arrives: a box of jewelry or cash is stuck at customs, and a fake courier or customs agent asks you to pay a release fee. INTERPOL's 2025 operation found scammers in Ghana using fake courier and customs shipment fees on romance victims.
Is it a scam if someone I met online asks for an Apple gift card?
Yes, treat it as a scam. Gift cards are for presents, not for paying debts, fees or bills, and a partner you have never met has no real reason to need one. Once you share the code and PIN, the balance can be spent or resold within minutes. If you already sent the numbers, contact the card company right away, keep the card and the receipt, and report it to the FTC.
Can you get in trouble for moving money for a romance scammer?
Possibly. The FBI's definition of confidence fraud includes victims tricked into laundering money or items for the scammer. Being deceived is not the same as knowingly helping a crime, but banks can close accounts that receive scam money, and continuing after a warning can create real legal risk. Stop moving any money or packages, keep every message, and speak to a lawyer if your bank or the police contact you.
How long do romance scammers keep talking to you?
As long as money keeps coming. Some give up within days if you refuse to leave the dating app or send anything. Others invest months of daily messages before the first request, because a long, warm relationship produces bigger payments. When a target stops paying, the scammer often goes quiet, then returns with a new crisis, a new account or a "friend" who wants to help.
Why would a romance scammer suddenly stop texting?
Usually because you stopped being profitable or got too close to the truth. Refusing a request, mentioning the police, asking for a live video or telling them a relative is worried can all end the contact. Silence is often temporary: watch for the same person returning under a new name, or for a lawyer, investigator or "recovery agent" who claims to know about your case.
Can I find out who the romance scammer really is?
Rarely, and it's not worth the risk of trying. A reverse image search can tell you whose photos were stolen, but the person typing is hidden behind fake accounts, prepaid numbers and other people's bank accounts. Leave the investigation to the police. What helps most is a detailed report with usernames, phone numbers, wallet addresses, payment receipts and dates, so investigators can link your case to others.
Sources
- FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center: 2025 IC3 Internet Crime Report (2026)
- Federal Trade Commission: Data Spotlight, Romance scammers' favorite lies exposed (2023)
- Federal Trade Commission: Love stinks when a scammer is involved (2024)
- Federal Trade Commission Consumer Advice: What to know about romance scams
- FBI IC3: Criminals use generative artificial intelligence to facilitate financial fraud, PSA I-120324 (2024)
- US Army: Army investigators warn public about romance scams (2014)
- INTERPOL: 260 suspected scammers arrested in pan-African cybercrime operation (2025)
- INTERPOL: Public awareness campaign highlighting risk of AI deepfake scams (2026)
- StopNCII.org: Frequently asked questions
- US Department of Justice, Office for Victims of Crime: National Elder Fraud Hotline
- AARP: Fraud Watch Network Helpline
- Gwent Police and Crime Commissioner: New Report Fraud service launched (2025)
- Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre: Report fraud and cybercrime
- Scamwatch (ACCC): Relationship scams
Figures are the latest available from each source at the time of writing. We review guides when official data or rules change. Spotted an error? Tell us.